It's that time of year again. The time when the whole world comes together to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. A time for peace on earth and goodwill towards all men. A time when we put aside our differences and come together as one.
Or, as I like to call it, "Merry Christmas, Fuckers."
Look, I'm not a Grinch. I don't hate Christmas. I actually quite enjoy it. I love the decorations, the food, the music. I even enjoy spending time with my family. But what I don't enjoy is the forced jollity, the forced cheerfulness. The constant "Happy Holidays" this and "Season's Greetings" that. It's all so fake and phony.
And don't even get me started on Santa Claus. That fat, bearded bastard has been fooling kids for centuries. How has he not been exposed yet? It's a wonder any of us believe in him at all.
So this Christmas, when you're surrounded by your loved ones and exchanging gifts, take a moment to reflect on what this holiday is really about. Take a moment to appreciate your family and friends, and to be thankful for what you have. And if you happen to see me out and about, please refrain from wishing me a Merry Christmas. I'd much prefer a simple "Fuck you."
Trust me, it'll mean a lot more coming from you than it ever could from ol' Saint Nick himself.